Friday, January 11, 2013

Sleep: a Tragedy in Four Parts

Part One: Falling Asleep





Part Two: The Night is Long







Part Three: Enemies of Sleep









Part Four: The Person I Sleep With

29 nights per month:


1 night per month:

85 comments:

  1. OMG that is the cutest little penguin I've ever seen in my LIFE.

    Also---YAY! I missed you. :)

    Thirdly---Did I say the penguin was cute? He's SO CUTE!!!

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    1. Is it a faux-pas to openly admire your own penguin? Because I love that penguin. And if loving my own penguin is wrong, then I don't want to be right.

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  2. LOL that is also why I cannot watch criminal minds anymore. True story.

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    1. I only watch it when JP is home. When he's away for a few weeks, I fight the urge and don't watch. Usually. Sometimes. (Also, I sometimes make my dog walk around the house with me and check all of the closets before bed.)

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  3. You summed up my life entirely! How can men barely touch their head to a pillow and be instantly asleep?! It's like a superpower, as is my ability to function without sleep too.

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    1. Drives me CRAZY! Although I like to console myself with the thought that maybe I have another, better superpower hidden away. Like maybe someday I'll discover that I can fly. Or do that Mary Poppins clean-the-house-just-by-singing thing. Either of those would probably be better than falling asleep within seven seconds of laying down.

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  4. I only have insomnia on nights where I have to do something early the next morning, which is usually never, but consistently when I do. Every time. Something about waking up at 7 am makes none of my usual sleepy makers work.
    I can read a book for only 4 minutes an hour after waking up totally refreshed and then end up going back to sleep for 3 hours, but on early morning eves, 8 hours of reading without a lick of tiredness.

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    1. ME TOO. Insomnia only hits on weekdays, when my alarm is set to go off well before the sun rises. Funny how that works. And also not really very funny.

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  5. So funny Stephanie! I love your penguin (for awhile there, as I was scrolling and reading, I thought it might be for another post!). I used to be the one who slept solidly. Now that I'm peri-menopausal, not so much :(

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    1. I'm a sleep champion on days when I don't have to get up in the morning, but weekdays are tough sometimes. And my penguin sends his love!

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  6. sweet dreams Miss Stephanie . . .Not sleeping is not good.

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    1. No, it isn't! The problem is that there aren't enough hours in the night.

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  7. awesome! great post, stephanie.

    xxo
    MOV

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    1. Thank you, my friend! And I'll have you know that your book is one of the ones that kept me up late last week!

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  8. I have 3 am insomnia during which time I always get that song 'it's 3 am, i must be lonely' stuck on repeat in my head.
    and if you were to give away clay creatures again- that little devil penguin is AWESOME!

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    1. And now I have that song in my head. I don't have insomnia every night, but the next time I'm awake at 3:00 and singing that song, I will curse you.

      As for the clay creatures...errrr...yeah. That. I made a list ages ago, but then I realized that they were just too expensive to mail. Maybe someday when I'm not embarrassed by the mere thought of it, I'll consider offering to let people buy the figures for the cost of postage.

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  9. Hahaha, this is amazing!!! I can relate to all of it! (well except the first part, because I have problems falling asleep not in a bed) I love your bed with the paper towel, haha.
    The WORST is when you can't fall asleep all night long, only to fall asleep minutes before your alarm goes off. OR, only half falling asleep all night long. Worst.

    Good stuff, I love this.

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    1. So are you trying to say that you can actually stay awake when you're laying on a yoga mat? You really ARE a rock star!

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  10. The image with the penguin cracked me up. Yeah, that's me. Also the internal dialogue and stupid songs. I can totally relate. My boyfriend isn't such a great sleeper either, so you might be lucky with your hubby. At least he isn't tossing and turning and waking you up just as you fall asleep. My cat starts bugging us at 3:30 am every day and won't quit until we get up, then he falls asleep, the little punk. He's lucky he's cute.

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    1. I am lucky with my husband. In a million different ways. (Oh, gag, cheese alert) But yeah, I do appreciate the fact that he's a good sleeper. At least I can toss and turn to my heart's content. It would be really stressful to feel like I had to lay still to keep from waking someone else up! The cat, though? I would have major issues with 3:30 cat-time.

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  11. Take away the dog, and throw in a couple of children... yep.

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    1. You have to draw that. I would love to see a picture of you in bed with a pile of children.

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  12. My husband is like you (although he doesn't fall asleep in the car or during movies and yoga? HA!), and it makes him crazy that I can fall asleep so quickly. However, I go to bed when I'm ready to go to sleep and not a moment before. So, it bugs me to DEATH when he gets into bed and wants to have an existential chat. And then I fall asleep on him. I've missed a couple good stories that way. However, I do experience the up-half-the-night-only-to-fall-asleep-just-before-the-alarm-goes-off phenomenon. It sucks.

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    1. Oh, JP's a night talker too. He'll come to bed really late, and I'll wake up (of course) and then he'll want to chat. Nooooo. Not gotta happen.

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  13. oh, i'd love to have a big sleep discussion with you stephanie. i am not a good sleeper (although it's gotten better over the years!). i SO SO envy people who can 1) nap 2) sleep in a bed that is not their home bed 3) fall asleep any place, any time.
    i hope you have a good sleep tonight!

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    1. I envy nappers too!!! And people who can stay up really late, and be able to sleep later the next morning to compensate. Tonight is the weekend, so I will sleep like a baby. A happy baby who sleeps through the whole night. I don't have sleep problems all the time...just sometimes. Always on a weekday when the alarm is set to go off early the next morning.

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  14. STOP SPYING ON ME!! How did you get those spycams in my bedroom, my home theatah and my yoga studio?

    Correction: Criminal Minds should be L&O: SVU.

    Hi-freakin-larious (because it's so true).

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    1. Oh, I like L&O: SVU too! It doesn't scare me, though, not the way that Criminal Minds scares me. (Which, now that I think about it, sneaking all of those spycams into your house probably makes me worthy of being on an episode.)

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  15. Stephanie, that is giving me a lot to think about and ponder...I don't know if I'll sleep tonight!

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  16. haha this is a great series! I usually sleep just fine unless the man-friend is having one of his snoring jags... ugh!

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  17. Oh that dastardly enemy...the snore, indeed!

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    1. Dastardly. That is a very, very good word.

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  18. That is me exactly. Except, instead of snoring, I have a puppy who jumps all over me and likes to lay across my face/neck. He might be trying to kill me.

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    1. Oh, when our dog was a puppy, he was awful about letting me sleep. Now? He sleeps about 20 hours a day. Ha!

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  19. Aaaaand that is why I fall asleep on the couch. Completely pathetic, but there you have it.

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    1. Your comment is making me think...and I don't believe that I ever slept on the couch in my own house. Luckily, I slept like a (happy all-night-sleeping) baby last night.

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  20. Boy, you sure nailed the funny side of sleeping. (Or NOT sleeping.) I'm a totally inept napper. My husband's a pro at it, but even if I'm dead on my feet, the brain goes into hyperdrive if I try to catch a few zees during the day. And at night? We have two cats. One "checks on me" half a dozen times every night, which means she snuggles against my neck and licks my cheek. Sweet, but not terribly sleep-inducing.

    Fun post. Oh, and I love the penguin, too. Happy weekend.

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    1. I'm a bad napper. I do have my good sleeping moments, especially on weekends when I know I don't have to get up the next morning! My dog used to do the whole "check on me" thing when he was a pup. Now he just snores.

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  21. Too fuuny, Stephanie! I haven't had a great realationship with sleep over the last year or so. It's been better in the last month. I can completely sympathize with you. Very funny, though...

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    1. It's not every night, thank goodness! I hope you had a wonderful sleep last night.

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  22. My favorite is when you lie awake all night listening to him sleep then he gets up and claims that he is tired cuz he did't sleep well. Or is that just me?
    Anyway, glad to see the return of the clay!

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    1. Oh yes, I am familiar. Or the "I didn't sleep all night" and my reaction is "then why were you snoring". Ha!

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  23. That made me smile a lot Stephanie! :D

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  24. Sadly I have no problems sleeping. In fact I'm such a good sleeper it's like my secret super power. Was hoping for gift of flight but got stuck with falling asleep on demand. But still that is HYSTERICAL. Also am a huge reader and will get sucked into a great book. So I'll be all schlubby and cranky the next day and husband will ask, "Are you feeling OK?" And then I'll have to pretend like I'm sick because it's preferable to admitting that I stayed up till 2:00 AM trying to finish Gone Girl!

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    1. Well, at least you have a superpower. I'm still waiting for mine to show up. And I had to laugh at you lying about being sick. I can relate!

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  25. I am so glad you came over to my blog so I could find yours. AWESOME. I can't imagine how long it takes you to do your clay people.

    As for your post today...that is my life. The only part that doesn't apply is that my husband doesn't snore. Right now though he has a bad cold and his coughing is causing me total sleep deprivation. I suppose it is mean of me to consider smothering him with his pillow. Wouldn't want cold germs on mine.

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    1. It didn't take me that long this time, since I've been reusing the clay figures of me and JP for a while now. The only new ones that I had to make for this post were the penguins, which were fun to make. What took me long with this post was the pictures, since I was having a hard time getting the lighting right when shooting for above.

      And I had to laugh at the cold germs. Is it bad that sometimes I worry more about myself catching his cold than I worry about my sick husband?

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  26. Oh Stephanie this was hilarious and so true. Parts 2 and 3 are definitely me. This post had Spawn in hysterical laughter. :)

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    1. Too bad there are so many who can relate to the trials and tribulations of sleep. Spawn is pleased with my work? I'm humbled and awed and a little bit afraid. Ha!

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  27. I had the exact same thing recently!
    I know this sounds weird, but I use Lavender Oil to get to sleep now and it totally works! It's this smelly oil stuff you dab on your pillows and it's meant to get you to sleep. I know it is probably a placebo, but when I first used it I was a total sceptic and it still worked.
    So yeah, seriously try it out! You might as well try :)
    M. x

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    1. That's an idea! I used to have lavendar bath salts, and now that I think about it, they really were relaxing. Thanks for the suggestion!

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  28. I would detail the last reason,, it involves knowing that there is some classic song from my past that I have to own NOW. I'd explain more but I'm looking for where you set up the clay camera in my bedroom.

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    1. My clay stuff is pretty small. You'll NEVER find it. Muahahaha.

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  29. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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    1. hi spammy! you are everywhere!

      Stephanie, someone gave me the advice to put "comment moderator" on for posts over 2 days old, and it has all but erased my spam problem. It just means that I have to grant permission for the comments first if the post is over 2 days old, but usually the spam is coming form older posts. Try it! It helped me a lot (spam might be causing your insomnia, just sayin').

      bye, spammy! get a real job!

      MOV

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    2. What do you mean, spam? Did you even READ it? "This is actually a great website" = genuine response to what is, indeed, a great website. I can't believe you thought it was spam.

      (Thanks for the tip! My spam filter catches 90% of spam, but sometimes one slips through.)

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  30. DON'T LOOK AT THE CLOCK! Seriously, I loathe sleep disorders, but this cracked me up. Thanks for helping me laugh at myself -- and realize it's a global issue.

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    1. In the interest of full transparency: I actually don't use an alarm clock. I use my cellphone. It's just harder to show in clay. And there really are a lot of people out there who aren't sleeping right!

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  31. These are fabulous!!

    And I have to admit, anything that has a reference to Javert in it pretty much seals the deal as far as being pure genius.

    Thank you.

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  32. This is awesome. I identified with all of this. Especially that I'm sleepy all damn day, but when I get in bed I'm wide awake. My internal clock is just beyond screwed.

    And dammit, Alan Rickman would have made a damn good Javert. Yeah, I said it. I'm a Les Mis fan.

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    1. Right? Alan Rickman all the way. (No offense to Russell Crowe - who I didn't think was as bad as the rest of the world seems to think)

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  33. I hate to say it, but I tend to be the JP in our house. I can fall asleep within seconds of my head hitting the pillow. Jason, on the other hand.... but once he's out, he's out. If I wake up overnight, it's usually a challenge to get back to sleep. Bleh.

    And OMG, Alan Rickman would have made an AMAZING Javert. Way better than Russell Crowe, imho.

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    1. They should hire him for part 2. There's a part 2, right?

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    2. The producers are probably sitting there right now going, "Why did we kill everyone?!? Do you know how much money this franchise could have made if we'd let them all live? Dammit!"

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  34. Your penguin is adorable.

    I've had many nights were I started reading a book and the next thing I knew the alarm to get up went off!

    I never kick the blankets off. I always start out freezing so they're up to my chin. Then sometime in the night the hotflashes start. I get to experience the joy of rolling over and having sweat soaked jammies exposed to chilly air most mornings.

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    1. I've never been able to fall asleep reading! In fact, I've mostly stopped reading in bed, because I always force my eyes up to read one more chapter. Oh, that sounds uncomfortable. You need absorbent pyjamas. ;)

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  35. Completely adorable and I totally sympathize with your sleep issues. Whenever my eyes open in the middle of the night, I catch myself yelling in my head "don't think about ANYTHING!!"

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    1. Yes, I definitely yell at myself sometimes! Unfortunately, I never listen.

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  36. Oh my god get out of my head! This is the story of my life. Love the pictures.

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    1. But your head is such a nice cozy place to be.

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  37. This is hilarious! Ack the snoring! Same story here. The snoring!!

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    1. Sadly, so many of us seem to suffer!

      (Although, to be fair, JP doesn`t really snore that much. I just have ridiculously sensitive hearing when I'm trying to sleep.)

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  38. This is hilarious, but it is awful when you can't sleep. Have you tried any aromatherapy products like body lotions or linen sprays? I've found those to be really helpful. Or having your husband get checked for sleep apnea? Mine used to snore like nobody's business and I couldn't sleep. We mentioned it to our doctor, and eventually learned that he has sleep apnea and wasn't breathing properly, hence the snoring. He has a machine now and feels better because he breathes and sleeps well at night, and now I get to sleep too. :-)

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    1. Maybe I should think about aromatherapy! In JP's defense, he doesn't actually snore all that much. I'm just ridiculously sensitive to any noise (or loud breathing) when I'm trying to sleep. I'm glad that you've found some solutions that work for you!

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  39. Haaaaahhhaaaahaaaa!! It's funny 'cuz it's true. All of it. I know they say you shouldn't have a tv in your bedroom but it does drown out all the other voices in your head :D

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    1. I CAN NOT sleep with the TV on. Well, unless I'm laying on the couch, that is. This whole post was actually inspired by a miserable night when a radio kept me up until stupid o'clock.

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  40. HAHAHAHa oh man I can't get over how much I relate to this

    I really hope I meet you in person one day :)

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    1. And I hope the same! Hopefully at our respective book signings. Haha!

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  41. You are so freaking delightful! I'm so glad I found your little clay self on twitter!

    karen (my boring life in pictures)

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