Friday, December 21, 2012

Choose Your Own Apocalypse

So they say that the world is ending today. I'm not sure how I feel about this. On the one hand, I'm actually having a good hair day. But on the other hand, nothing livens up a party like a good apocalypse.

The question - of course - is not if the world is ending. The question is how.

Over the past year, I've written about a wide variety of horrific and deadly things, any of which would be more than worthy of its own apocalypse.


















Out of all of the terrors that I've highlighted on this blog, however, one stands out as the most sinister, the most malevolent, the most dangerous.


They're everywhere. There are an estimated one million ants for every human on Earth, billions of whom live in one global mega-colony spanning three continents. Take a second to roll those words around in your mouth: global mega-colony. They operate for the good of the colony, with no concern whatsoever for each individual life. Some species of ants enslave entire colonies. And, as though that weren't enough already, some ants are even zombies.

100,000,000,000,000,000 ants in the world, all of them working obsessively for the good of their ever-growing colonies. The antpocalypse is pretty much inevitable, as far as I can tell.

Zombies? Bring them on. Anyone with an attitude and a sword can take on a few slow, bumbling zombies.


Ants, on the other hand? We're completely helpless against ants.


The end is coming.

82 comments:

  1. AHHH I HAD A NIGHTMARE ABOUT ANTS THE OTHER DAY! I do not like ants. I do not like them one bit.

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    1. Oh, me neither. They're very scary little monsters.

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  2. My husband would agree with you on this one.
    Me? Well, I'd go with the laundry monster. Drowning in a sea of laundry is definitely my apocalypse nightmare.
    But Ants probably come in 2nd in this household, as I am pretty sure our house sits on an acre wide gigantic ant hill that some may call a 'neighborhood'
    On another note......YAY!!! I am happy to be reading your posts again.:)

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    1. And I'm so happy to finally have posts for you to read! Our area is a massive sandy ant environment. I'm pretty sure my house will be the starting point.

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  3. I think I swallowed an ant today.

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  4. They've already begun their invasion here, taunting my cat, creeping through the floor boards, showing great feats of strength. I'm just happy we don't have fire ants around here.

    LOVE the clay images!

    Thanks for participating!

    Shannon at The Warrior Muse

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    1. Fire ants. I didn't even THINK About fire ants.

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  5. Well it did end, but a very clever man sorted stuff so its all OK again . . . . .Well sort of. . .. Very Cool Miss Stephanie.

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    1. Thank the ghost writer for saving the world.

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  6. I'm more worried about the spiders. And the laundry. Even worse? Spiders IN the laundry!

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    1. Oh, that would make a great clay figure!

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  7. There is a book called Les Fourmis by Bernard Werber. AScifi book, well written and highly disturbing. I think there was an episode in the Twilight Zone inspired by these ants. Bloody ants, they gave my nightmares for years! If you haven't read Werber's books, youshould though, they are brilliant. Even if disturbing. :-)

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    1. Thanks for the recommendation! I'm always on the lookout for good SciFi.

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  8. Oh, I wish I had known about this in advance, Stephanie! You MUST keep me posted on these things...of course the world could still end. I saw someone ask "which time zone" so it's still a possibility. I love to participate in random crowds of people all trying to out do each other!! Antpocalypse...Hysterical!!

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    1. It's not too late to put something up, Fran! I knew about the blogfest because Chuck emailed me. And anyone who reads my stuff knows that I'm a sucker for a good apocalypse!

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  9. Did you ever see the movie Them? Super-scary ants!

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  10. Ants!!! Now why didn't I think of that. Can ants turn into zombie ants? (Love your clay figures.)

    Precious Monsters

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    1. Yes. Yes, they most certainly can. Spores. Creepy zombie-making spores.

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  11. I'm afraid to choose, like at the end of Ghostbusters when he thought of the marshmallow man. Spiders are definitely bad, but my biggest fear is the scary, bad man with the drill (a drill!!) who I have to make an appointment to see every 6 months. *shivers*

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    1. +1 for the Ghostbusters reference. And I will never understand how a person grows up to be a dentist.

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  12. Well, I'm doing my part to fight the antpocalypse. I'm pretty sure I killed about 100,000 ants this summer alone. They were invading my home from three different directions. So I poisoned them all...mwah-ha-ha-ha-ha! And then if I say any more, I smashed them with a shoe (or my fingers, depending on the size). Keep sending more! I'll keep killing them! Hahahahahaha!

    (I may or may not have inhaled a few too many fumes while spraying ant killer this past summer)

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    1. If I *SAW* any more...

      (sigh. Fumes.)

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    2. You are the chosen one. The one who will save us all. The ant slayer.

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  13. Excellent article. I'm facing a few of these issues as well..
    My homepage skin care tips

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    1. I'm going to leave this spam up for once. Because it's hilariously fitting and it made me laugh for a full 10 seconds. Take note, spammers: if you can make me laugh, I'll probably let you stay.

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  14. Wasn't there a 'horror' film (with horrible production values) about giant ants enslaving humans in the early 80s? I have these very vivid memories of sneakily watching such a thing on TV when I was in elementary school.. sure my parents would disapprove, sure that I would never sleep comfortably again, but also certain that I could. not. stop. watching...
    I don't remember if humanity prevailed or not. maybe it was a dream - a sort of cassandra moment for me.

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    1. Maybe you're the link, the only one who'll be able to communicate with the ants on our behalf. Honestly, that job would suck.

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  15. Kudos to the clay-pocalypse! I never gave it much thought, but, you're right! Dentists! I should have seen that one months ago! :)

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    1. They're tricky. They hide among is in plain sight and lull us into a false sense of security.

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  16. Nooooo - not the laundry monsters!

    Visiting from the CYOAB.

    thriftshopcommando.blogspot.com

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    1. Honestly, laundry monsters are more of an ongoing annoyance. They're unlikely to get organized enough to take over.

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  17. Our place was overrun with ants this past summer; holy cow, it was awful. Very cool clay creatures!

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  18. Wholly-Molly... that was singly great... can you hear me sing?

    Did we make it?
    My link is dead, I ask again did we make it?
    [Visit my post for that to make sense]

    Great end of the world post!!
    Jeremy [Retro]
    Oh No, Let's Go... Crazy

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    1. Doesn't make sense yet. But I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. ;) Off I click.

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  19. I think you are right. I'm going to buy Lowes out of all its ant spray to prepare

    love the clay art!!!

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    1. Smart. That stuff will be worth a lot of money on the black market someday.

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  20. I agree entirely.

    I live in Houston, and we have fire ants down here. I grew up scared to death that I would accidentally stand too long in one place in our back yard and end up in really bad shape for it.

    There's a reason that almost all aliens in sci-fi movies behave like a colony of ants: It's because ants are really scary.

    Oh, and the BBC article about the 3-continent colony was fantastic!

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    1. I may or may not be writing a book with ant-like aliens. I thought I was creative, but I'm realizing that I'm probably actually writing derivative drivel. Oops. But yeah...ants are CREEPY.

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  21. What if the world already ended and NO ONE NOTICED? Eh? Yeah?

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  22. When I was in elementary school, I read a story about African soldier ants, and I still remember how horrified I was by the description of a horde of ants devouring a live cow. (NOT how I'd choose to end it all.) So your antpocalypse scenario is pretty scary. Although the laundry monster isn't much better... can you imagine succumbing to a mountain of dirty socks and nasty underwear?

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    1. Yeah, but laundry monsters are really lazy. they'd probably just...lay there.

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  23. Peeps and dentists...that is really terrifying! I think the laundry monster wins it all for me...it is the Best Design Award winner. That bastard is made up of all my single-socks significant others that have disappeared for years.

    Very cool Stephanie...you are artistic beyond the Apocalypse!

    Thanks a lot for playing today.

    Chuck

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    1. That's the problem...it gets bigger and badder every time someone loses a sock.

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    1. Smart move. Just because the world didn't end in the antpocalypse yesterday, doesn't mean we should throw caution to the wind.

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  25. EWWWW! I remember reading in Publishers Weekly about a book like this. It actually sold. ICK! I hate ants! Luckily, we don't have many in Seattle.

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    1. Ants are aliens. I'm almost positive. And they're probably in Seattle...they're just really sneaky and good at hiding.

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  26. Oh. I refuse an ant apocalypse. That would just be too terrible. *shivers* ... I think I'll take aliens, actually ... maybe they'll make it quick and painless.

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    1. I didn't know we could refuse an apocalypse! Well, that makes everything easier...

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  27. Um, yeah - you had to bring up all this insect invasion stuff, didn't you? The red ones are the ones to watch for - I think they are masterminds of evil genius. (Hope you enjoyed a full day of having unaccountably good hair...) :)

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    1. The ants didn't come, and I woke up with bad hair. So I guess all is right in the world.

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  28. To think, I have never truly contemplated all the awful ways in which the world could end. Now I am thoroughly terrified!

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  29. I don't believe in that kind of thing and I avoided Facebook, Twitter, and basically everything except email yesterday (technically since its almost 3 am) because of it. However, I did happen to remember Indiana Jones and The Legend Of The Crystal Skull... or whatever its called...

    SPOILER ALERT:
    Lots of ants. They went inside people's bodies and choked them and ate them and other awful things.

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    1. Nah, I don't believe in it either. (Mostly) I remember that scene...HORRIFYING!

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    1. Then you'll probably be one of the survivors.

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  31. Eeeeuw - ants!

    Pesky little things - kill one and 20 more come running!

    That would truly be a frightening apocalypse!

    I find a primeval joy in eradicating them with a kettle of boiling water when they nest in the garden. That may be my own undoing if your predicted apocalypse comes true! :-o

    SueH (I Refuse To Go Quietly!)

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    1. Luckily for you, we seem to have made it through the day. I still think they're organizing, though. And I think they have very, very long memories.

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  32. I read once that if you placed all the mammals (whales! elephants!), reptiles and birds of the world on one side of a giant scale, and all the insects on the other, THE INSECTS WOULD OUTWEIGH US!

    If the zombies ever do come, I'm hiding behind you. If Peeps come, you can hide behind me. You're on your own with laundry, though.

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    1. Yes, I've read that too! I've also read that the biomass of ants outweighs the biomass of humans. Which is equal parts cool, gross and creepy.

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  33. Awesome AWESOME post! Antpocalypse--definitely much saner than other options out there :D Loved it!

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    1. The fact that you think this is saner than other options...makes me wonder what kind of company you keep. Ha!

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  34. I guess it is Apocol-oops! Anyways, funny stuff here as usual!

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    1. Hahaha! I find the word apocoloops unreasonably funny.

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  35. You're back! YAY! Great posts and now I'm all caught up from the last one I read in September.

    Ants are terrifying. I hate all bugs... wasps though... those things are evil mother's...

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    1. I'm glad you stopped by! And yes...wasps are evil. I seem to get stung every summer.

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  36. Replies
    1. There can never be too much love in this world!

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  37. Hello Miss Stephanie . . . . .Wow thats a lot of comments OK I am just passing by to wish you a Happy Christmas and New Year. I hope you have a really good 2013.

    I have a feeling that someone has predicted the End of the World in 2013 . . . . .. so thats OK then

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    1. I really am blessed with some of the interweb's best commenters! Merry Christmas to you too, friend.

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  38. You continue to make me laugh. I'll never look at ants the same again. Antpocalypse 2013, perhaps? Wow. Anyway, just stopping by to say hi and wish you a Merry Christmas. I really am glad that you are back in bloggy-land!!!

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    1. Merry Christmas to you too! And I'm glad to be back.

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  39. The ants didn't end the world on 12/21, that's just what they wanted you to believe! Now that our guard is down again, it could happen any time...
    P.S. Thank you for not including ticks in your list. It took me several weeks to get that image out of my head. ;)

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    1. Ticks won't destroy the world. They'll just ruin your life.

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  40. my wife cannot read this post. She's crazy about the damned ants!

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    1. As well she should be, Jim. As well she should be.

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  41. Um...ick. And I would venture a guess that 3,000,000,000 of those ants live below my house, because as soon as the temps go below zero, they suddenly love my kitchen counter. What kind of madness is that? I don't have problems with ants in the summer. They wait until winter when I can't spray inside before they invade. Cheeky devils.

    I think you're right. The antopalypse is upon us.

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