Tuesday, April 3, 2012

C is for Chairs


is for chairs.

First, a clarification.

Chairs do not confuse me. They're generally pretty easy to understand.

Chairs do not annoy me, either. In fact, I quite like chairs. Given the choice, I'd much rather sit than stand. Chairs are very helpful when it comes to sitting.

And chairs do not generally give me the creeps. How neurotic would I have to be to be scared of chairs?

Please.

In addition to being good for sitting, chairs are also very useful for children to hide behind when they're scared. For example, I found solace behind a chair when my house was invaded by giant man-eating ants.


When something helps you when you're scared, it's almost like it's anti-creepy, right?

So chairs do not give me the creeps.

Usually. Generally. For the most part.

There are, however, exceptions to every rule.

Antique rocking chairs, for example.


source

Antique rocking chairs are very, very creepy.

Honestly, I don't see why this even needs an explanation. It's obvious and self-explanatory. But just in case you don't quite get it, here you go: antique rocking chairs are creepy because they might be haunted by the ghosts of old ladies and start rocking by themselves.

I told you that it was self-explanatory.

Other than antique rocking chairs, though, chairs are pretty cool.



* * * *

This is probably the lamest blog post I've ever written. But I refuse to apologize!

(Sorry.)


Want more?
Really?
Are you sure?

Well, ok then. Luckily for you, there are 2 whole letters before C in the alphabet!

A Clay Baboons Alphablog: 26 Things That Annoy Me, Confuse Me, Creep Me Out, or Otherwise Make My Life More Difficult.



Click on a letter to read more. Or you could just scroll down. It's really up to you.

71 comments:

  1. Not lame. Very funny and clever. And I totally agree on the antique chairs. They are a little creepy.

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    1. Thanks! Now it seems like I was fishing for compliments...I wasn't, promise! ;)

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  2. I like rocking chairs theoretically. Sit, rock, relax. What's not to like, right? Expect they always make me feel I am a hairsbreadth away from flipping over backwards and fracturing my skull. And NOW I also need to worry about old creepy gramma ghosts inhabiting said chairs. I think I'll stick with my Adirondack chairs.

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    1. Theoretically is one of my favourite words. And I have yet to find anything problematic about an adirondack chair. Good call.

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  3. Hahaha I never thought about it..now I think they might freak me out too!

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    1. See? You're finding out all SORTS of new stuff to be scared of. It's really why I blog.

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  4. I have to admit, I'm a little afraid of those woven lawn chairs. Although it's never happened to me, I'm positive that one of these times, I'm going to sit on one and next thing I know I'll have my ass on the ground with my legs stuck up in the air. Trapped and flailing. Okay... maybe "afraid" isn't the right word. How about "wary"?

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    1. Ha! Yeah, that would suck. When I was reading your comment, at first I thought that you were afraid that the woven plastic bits would pinch your butt. Your fear is bigger...but I actually think that butt-pinching is more likely to happen.

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  5. YOU FORGOT THE SPINNY CHAIRS!!!!
    i agree that antique rocking chairs are a little creepy. but i am not really a fan of rocking chairs, in general - they make me feel seasick. and i REALLY dislike lazy boy recliners!!!
    thanks for making me smile this morning, already, stephanie!

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    1. I love spinny chairs. Happy sigh. And I like lazy boy recliners too, so on that point we'll just have to agree to disagree.

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  6. I have to agree with you on the antique rocking chairs... Those are the chairs that always start rocking with no one in them in horror movies.

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    1. The other thing that I refuse to have in my house is windchimes. They're ok outside, but creepy inside, because what if they just start ringing?

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    2. Oooo, I never thought of that. I use to have some hanging in my house (in a spare bedroom, hanging from the light fixture). I've sense taken them down. But you can bet that if they weren't already down, they'd come down as soon as I got home today, thanks to what you just said. :)

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  7. Nope, this isn't a lame C. It's a spot-on C. I sat in a lawn chair once and suffered the indignity of the straps breaking and my butt hitting the ground. Er, I'm not a large person. A guy I know went to a reception and sat on a chair that splattered into different directions. Come to find out, it was an antique chair no one was supposed to sit on. They forgot to put the sign up.

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    1. Oh no, really? That's so embarrassing!

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  8. crazy good clay fun!
    rocking chairs only give me the creeps if they rock by themselves...

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    1. But the fact that they MIGHT rock by themselves is already creepy!

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  9. i could swear I actually saw a rocking chair rock by itself once.. though it was in a house known for its ghosts and stuff so either ghosts are real, the window was open, or my mind was just scaring itself.
    I like chairs too and I don't think this blog is lame. I found it really funny!
    Other than rocking chairs, the only chairs that I don't like are plastic spinny chairs because my friend was spinning me on one when I was little and it collapsed underneath me and I fell off and didn't feel too good afterwards. I was spinning VERY fast.
    M x
    P.S. I love your clay figures :)

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    1. Creeeeepy!!! I think I might have cried. Oh, I really love spinny chairs. I've talked about my love of spinny chairs a few times in the past. Ha!

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    2. Spinny chairs are strange...although i am fully aware of the dangers they present, I still love to spin on them, however ill I feel afterwards!

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  10. .........and electric chairs. Those are haunted by the ghosts of the dregs of society. I realize, that most people don't have an electric chair in the corner, but given the choice between creepy dead granny, or creepy dead serial killer, i'm going with dear granny. That, or just sit on a box?

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    1. Hmmm...I see your point. But you really don't run into a lot of antique electric chairs in day-to-day life.

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  11. what about that one rickety chair at your mom's house that you somehow always get stuck with when there are a lot of people at Thanksgiving and you lunge for a good chair but your sister gets the last one and then your mom says, sweetie sit here it will be fine, and the whole time you know it will NOT be fine because if you have one extra bite of pumpkin pie it will be all over and that chair will be history and everyone in your family and possibly the whole neighborhood will laugh at you and the broken chair and you in a heap of splinters on the ground and your mom will be mad because NOW she tells you it is of course her favorite chair in the universe--- what about THAT chair, Stephanie??

    best,
    MOV

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    1. Crap. This is the SECOND time so far that you've made me realize that I've written about the WRONG THING. I'm doing this challenge all wrong. Sigh.

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  12. See, you have apparently opened up a whole can of chair worms! I don't mind rocking chairs, except that in my house, they migrate across the floor, and the next thing you know, you're scraping the drywall with the runners. Annoying.

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    1. Oooh...chair worms. If I could draw, I would draw that. And it's ok if it's annoying instead of creepy, because it still fits the theme. ;)

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  13. I once saw a really obese woman get stuck in a rocking chair outside of a Cracker Barrel. You should have seen the look of fear on that chair...

    (Great post! I love randomosity!)

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    1. Oh. I'm squirming in embarrassment just thinking about it. Poor lady.

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  14. Ah so much on chairs---reminds me I need to get me a chair to fix my massager on!

    --Damyanti, Co-host A to Z Challenge April 2012

    Twitter: @AprilA2Z
    #atozchallenge

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    1. And THAT reminds me that my husband has been wanting a massage chair for months!

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  15. Not a lame post. Chairs have the capacity for creepiness. I was a pool groupie in middle school and got roped into cleaning the pool chairs with Soft Scrub before the pool opened one summer. I cannot look at Soft Scrub or that certain kind of pool chair without shuddering to this day. Creepy.

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    1. That's a cool story. You left me wanting to know more. What was creepy? Just an innate creepy-chair feeling? I can picture it as a scene in a movie...

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  16. Well DUUUUUH, of COURSE they're haunted. Antiques, by definition, belong to DEAD people.

    Just sayin'.

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    1. Haha! I KNEW I could count on you to understand! Actually, I'm only creeped out by rocking antiques...rocking chairs, cradles, rocking horses. Oh, the horses are the WORST!

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  17. Any chair covered in that horrific cellophane plastic like in old Italian women's homes is creepy. No one wants a thigh to stick to a chair in such a manner that it's necessary to peel yourself off.

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    1. So true! And they make creaking sounds, like dentist chairs (which may or may not feature in tomorrow's post).

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  18. I really thought C would be for Clay. :)

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    1. Ha! That would have worked! Clay DOES annoy me on a regular basis.

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  19. That chair was actually rather creepy. When I was younger there was this old empty house in the country and it was rumored to be haunted by a family whose father went off the deep end and killed them all and then committed suicide. (I don't think this was actually a true story, but for some sick reason, I want to believe it, so we'll say it is true.) Conveniently enough, it was by a cemetary. The fun thing to do was to go out there in the middle of the night and walk through the house. Do you know what one piece of furniture remained? Yes, a rocking chair. Spooky, I know.

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    1. Seriously? SERIOUSLY? I can't imagine anything creepier than a house that is completely empty aside from a single rocking chair. Gah.

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  20. Sonny and Chair they were good

    HAH HAH hah ha hah ahah hah hah hah hah haha hahaahahah hah hah h

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    1. Ha! I'm glad you amuse yourself. ;)

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  21. There aren't a whole lot of people who can write a post about chairs and get away with it, much less do an amazing job!

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    1. Why thank you! Although I'm pretty sure you could do it even better! :)

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  22. Yet another thing that connects us, Stephanie! In my husbands family you never rocked an empty rocker for the obvious reason!! Hahahahaha! Your'e the best!

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  23. Lame? I think not! I like antique rocking chairs though, so maybe I'm lame.

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    1. You're not lame. You're just a far braver person than I am.

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  24. Creepy and creaky! You are one funny lady! :)

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    1. I didn't even think of the creakiness factor. But you're right...it definitely adds to the mood!

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  25. Yes, and Joe's mom deposited a creepy antique chair in our living room. I hate it. I would put it in the creepy basement, except we rent and I don't have any space I'm allowed to use for storing creepy chairs down there.

    I expect it will begin rocking any second.

    Although. I also suppose I could re-write that story and pretend it's my aunt, who was old but not creepy and if her ghost stopped by and rocked my creepy chair I'd be thrilled.

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    1. Hmmm...I wonder if that's a selling point: "house for sale. Creepy basement perfect for storing creepy antique chairs." I like the idea of rewriting the story!

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  26. You are amazing! And I do love chairs, but not all chairs--the worst are the Frank Lloyd Wright chairs, no one could ever sit in them, but others, especially the ones you like to sit and curl up in either with a child in your lap or just yourself, but always with a book, are the best.

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    1. Thank you for your kind words! And I agree...the best chairs are the ones that you can curl up in with a book. And also spinny chairs.

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  27. Chairs are sometime the hardest furniture to like. They are nice in the store and then in time (once you get them home) you begin to dislike them. At least that's what my wife told me when we went shopping for new living room furniture. It will be here May 4th...we'll see.

    Side note: the song Angry Chair by Alice In Chains is one chair I like. Neil Diamond's lyric about a chair being able to hear is just weird.

    See, you post was not lame at all!

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    1. I hope that you love your chairs...at least until your wife decides she wants new ones again!

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  28. Haha it made me laugh out loud when you read my mind about why old antique rocking chairs are scary.

    Don't go see the movie, "The Woman in Black."

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    1. See? I told you it was self-explanatory! And I avoid ghost movies as a general rule.

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  29. I'm a rocking chair nut...I love them. I also like random straight-back antique/vintage chairs. I had them in corners of my rooms, none of them matched. Loved it and will repeat in my cabin when we get it built.

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    1. I'm sure it's lovely...but I'll never stay overnight at your cabin!

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  30. I really like your work because of the very dry, almost straight laced humor. What's even more impressive is the amount of work in putting these posts together. Us normal folk only use words, but you mold clay. Count me in for the rest!

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    1. Thank you Alex! I'm going to be honest: the pace of doing a post a day may very well do me in before the end of the month. But I will persevere!

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  31. As a short person, chairs that aren't the right height (for me) for the table annoy me. Movie theatre seats annoy me and airplane seats repulse me. I think I can find reasons for any object to annoy me.
    You're never lame.

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    1. I like big cushy movie theatre seats. But you're right...I don't know ANYONE who likes airplane seats.

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  32. Going good Steph! Hang in there girl - you're amazing.
    I had a man-friend visit once whose new girlfriend sat on one of our chairs and plummeted to earth with a crash. I think she might have issues with chairs now.

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    1. I have to admit...the thought of 22 more posts this month is a bit exhausting! And breaking a chair would be so embarrassing, especially if you're new to the group.

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  33. Ha ha!! very funny post. Antique rocking chairs,yes I know what you mean.

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    1. I never knew how many people shared my feelings about antique rocking chairs! Ha!

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  34. I can completely see why the antique chair could be creepy. I start to feel that All antiques are creepy. I think I'll keep Ralph anyway, though!

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  35. Oooo, don't go watch The Woman in Black, that movie's ALL about a creepy rocking chair (okay, okay and Harry Potter deciding exploring haunted mansions and mysteriously dying children is a way better idea than just getting the heck out of dodge).

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  36. Great. Now I'll never look at an antique rocking chair the same way ever again. --.--

    -Barb the French Bean

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