Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Here There Be Monsters

This is a story about ants.

It's also a story about a five-year-old and her Daddy.


When I was a little kid, I had a bike and a sister and a doll with eyes that closed and a bus to ride to school and parents who loved me. Life was easy and joyful.

And then one day, our home was invaded by interlopers.


Carpenter ants marched along the fence in the yard and slipped inside the house.

They skittered across the wall in my room.

They marched past as my sister brush her teeth before bed.


My parents decided that they needed to rid our happy home of these awful things.






My Dad was the bravest Daddy in the world.

But...giant ants?

Giant ants?


Terrified by the thought of my father battling giant ants, I did what any thinking, rational five-year-old would do.


My Daddy was brave and strong. But he was still a man. And how could a man win against a giant ant?










Epilogue:

My Dad survived.

The ants did not.

56 comments:

  1. Your blog is my official favorite. Every single time you post, I really do LOL. :)

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  2. Ants are the most disgusting insect ever because they always travel in large groups. I have a theory that the ants are slowly plotting to take over the world and we are all just sitting on top of their kingdom - just think of all the crazy tunnels they are making under there. Creepy I tell ya.

    Happy your Dad made it out safe and sound :)

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    1. They really are creepy. I think ants are kind of like science fiction creatures. Ugh.

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  3. Darn it all, the link brought me to the bottom of the page and I ruined the ending unintentionally!!

    Otherwise I TOTALLY EXPECTED HIM not to survive.

    Dad's are brave, yo.

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    1. In a way, it's probably a good thing. Because I could see how this might be a really traumatic story if you didn't know that it was going to end well.

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  4. ah, yes...wasn't life great when we were five! i'll add mr dressup and kangaroo jackets to your list of the best things in life when you're five! and yes, dads are the ultimate heros!
    so fun to see the giant ant that you sneak peaked to us yesterday! thanks for another fun and creative drama, stephanie! (only fun cuz dad beats the giant ant!)

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    1. Ah, I love Mr. Dressup. But I'm not familiar with kangaroo jackets!

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  5. LOL! I was NOT expecting that ending.
    Brilliant post as always.

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    1. What? You expected that the ants would win in the end? ;)

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  6. Oh lord...that is too funny. I totally understand your giant ant story. When I was 4, my dad came into my room one morning to ask me a question. Except it wasn't my dad so I started screaming. "You're not my DADDY! Where's my DADDY?" Because my Daddy had a mustache and this stranger didn't. Yep...he'd shaved it off, but how was I supposed to know it was detachable?
    [This would make an excellent plasticine story I think. Feel free to borrow].

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    1. This comment made me laugh. When i taught kindergarten, I went to school one day wearing contacts instead of glasses. One kid stared at me for a minute before asking "Are you the snubstitute?" Ha! (and the "snub" bit wasn't a typo...just his cute little mispronunciation)

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  7. Phew! I'm so glad he survived.
    We had a squirrel in our house once...and I was pretty sure my Dad wasn't going to make it in there alone trying to corral him out (especially since I didn't know what corral meant, so it sounded like a much scarier thing to be doing...as I hid in our playhouse).
    Thanks for the giggle :-)

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    1. Corral DOES sound much scary than "chase out". I'm glad that your dad was ok. Squirrels are creepy little mammals!

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  8. You totally need to make a movie. :)

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    1. If I do, I'll call you up and you can be my star. Or at least make me lunch.

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  9. AHH GIANT ANTS! I know the ones you mean! We had an infestation once too.
    I died at the picture of your dad getting his arm gnawed off by the giant ant. Love it. So detailed.
    The ant in the lemonade got me too!

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    1. Seriously, ants in lemonade were a regular occurence around that time. And to this day, ants give me the creeps! Sorry you had to deal with them too.

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  10. Yeah, the blood was very well done on that severed arm. For a minute I thought he might go zombie :) You really capture that childhood imagination-gone-bad. Once my music teacher told me my thumb was going to fall off b/c I had an infected fingernail and I freaked out at recess thinking my thumb was going to just drop any second. It was frightening. I could relate to hanging behind the chair.

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    1. Zombie? Why ever would he become a zombie? Are you suggesting that I'm that predictable? OK, so maybe I actually considered it. Ha!

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  11. I had freaking ants all spring. It took me forever to figure out where they were coming from (under the floor, in the basement, behind the insulation, along the bandboard, underneath the master bathroom). They were in my kitchen every day. I was soooooo irritated. I could've used your dad...

    The carpenter ants, thankfully, stayed outside where there is better stuff to eat.

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    1. Ugh. They're awful things. I'm glad you were able to get rid of them. One day a few summers ago, I didn't throw out my orange peels immediately. When I came home from work and picked up the plate, a dozen of the giant black ants skittered across the counter. I'm not ashamed to admit that I screamed like a little girl and threw the plate across the room. I don't mind bugs or creepy crawlies. Just - please - not in my house.

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    2. Carpenter ant made with mud, how will you get rid of this ant? :P. If any one is facing problem with this pest then it will be very hard to get rid of them. They are dangerous because they will not leave your property gently. You have to fight with them for completely remove them from your house. Use best pesticide and technique for getting rid of carpenter ant.

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  12. Intense! Thankfully your dad survived. Like the chair you built and hid behind.

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    1. Maybe I should build and sell life-sized chairs out of cardstock. I think one would look great in your kitchen. ;)

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  13. Hehehe. Those ant pincers are very realistic - I'm glad your dad made it through!

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    1. Yeah, it was pretty close. But in the end my Dad was a tougher than any ant - even a giant maneating ant. :)

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  14. HA! The severed arm was great! I'm glad to hear that your dad won the battle. Ants are grody.

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    1. They are. And they're also bad and scary. They're not as bad as wasps, but I do NOT want them in my house.

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  15. I was definitely not expecting the ending. I LOVE your posts!! =) They always make me laugh!

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    1. Thanks for stopping by! And I hope you don't mean that you were expecting that the ants would survive and my dad would not. Ha!

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  16. SO CUTE!! LOL. Carpenter ants are the worst. I'm glad your Dad battled them and survived. :)

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    1. Honestly, I don't know why I ever doubted him. I mean...those ants didn't stand a chance against my Daddy.

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  17. Too funny! Your blog can always make me laugh! Thank you!!

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    1. Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed the post. :)

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  18. these are awesome, the aunt is really good (big one). Um so diorama- done and 7 year old wouldn't get me help. I think you should've charged me for your expertise. I still hate 3D assignments that make parents stress but if the child can do themselves not so bad. Will send you a photo.

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    1. Ah, glad the assignment went well! Next time, I'll charge you a quarter for telling you that I don't know how to make mouse clothes out of clay. Ha! Can't wait to see the photo...

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  19. This is too funny! At the zoo in Florida, I took pictures of what look like your clay baboon. I'll hopefully post it soon. By the way...I took it just for you!!

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    1. Oh, I can't wait to see him! I've been a little bit slow on the blog-reading front this week, but I'll be catching up this weekend.

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  20. Happy ICLW!

    This was amazing! I love your method of story telling! Too funny. I'm glad your dad survived his battle with the carpenter ants.

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    1. Thank you Erika! I'm glad he survived too. It would have been a truly tragic way to go.

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  21. This is an amazing blog. I stopped by because Shell highly recommends your blog and has given you an award. I am so glad I did. This is the most unique and creative storytelling I have come across.

    New follower here.

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    1. Thanks for visiting and for your kind words! Any friend of Shell's is a friend of mine.

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  22. It's things like this that make me SO glad I don't clear my Google reader when I'm behind. This is magic, and brought a much-needed smile to my face. Thank you. <3

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    1. I'm glad you didn't miss my dad battling the ants. I'm terrible about clearing my reader. I get completely overwhelmed and then click "mark all as read" and then fret that I'm missing amazing stuff...which I surely am!

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  23. new follower here! just found you thru Julie Hutchinson at feeding the cat. OMG, you are hilarious. can't wait to see more, and can't wait to go back and read all your archives! yay!

    best,
    MOV
    (founder of the prestigious MOV award)

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    1. Thanks MOV! Nice to meet a new reader. Especially a prestigious one like you.

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  24. Wow, this is pretty awesome! And what a lot of work to make those clay sculptures.

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    1. Sometimes! But it's kind of therapeutic. It's nice to do something with my hands that isn't typing. :)

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  25. This is adorable.How do you do it? I loved the ant story, but it sort of reminded me of a freaky movie I saw as a kid, EMPIRE OF THE ANTS. The ants were giant, like in your story. You are so talented and creative.

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    1. I like making animals and objects more than people. The ant was a lot of fun! I also made a spider and posted it on my facebook page. As for that movie...giant bugs are scary. I think I'll skip it.

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  26. I'm seeing a trend here...the ice skating decapitation imagery + ant attack arm dislocation = an active imagination. Looking forward to that fantastical book you're writing :-)

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    1. More like OVERactive. Ha! I'm looking forward to that book too. I haven't written a word of it this week. :/

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  27. Clearly you are good at this blogging thing! I'm scared to battle giant ants now!

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