I'm very excited to announce that my mornings will no longer consist of surfing the net for three hours in my pyjamas before walking the dog.
(OK, so maybe I'm going to miss that. A little bit.)
I'm going to be teaching an adult language class. I'm going to have a projector and a spinny chair and only three students. They'll have their own spinny chairs, so I won't have to share mine. And I only have to work from nine until noon.
Dream job? Pretty much!
Anyway, getting ready for job interviews can be stressful. So I thought that I would share some interview tips.
You know, since I once had an interview and got a job.
Which pretty much makes me an expert.
*disclaimer: The following scenarios are dramatizations.
They are not based on actual events.
They did not actually happen.
Even I'm not that ridiculous.
The author can not be held responsible for your success or lack thereof if you choose to follow these tips.
Tip one: Greet your interviewer with a smile and a firm handshake.
Tip two: be honest.
Tip three: smile and make eye contact.
Tip four: turn negatives into positives.
* this one is, in my opinion, the most trite and obnoxious of all interview tips. If I were interviewing someone and they named "perfectionism" as their flaw, I think that I'd probably throw up all over them. With perfect aim.
Tip five: be prepared with questions at the end.
My actual questions at the end of my actual job interview:
me: Would you like references?
her: You've actually already given them to me!
me (chirping with obnoxious enthusiasm): Well look at me! Aren't I organized!
And question two:
me: Do people work here together?
me: Umm, I mean, do people here work in teams or independently?
Tip six: be friendly, but formal.
Please note: I would never initiate a high five. Ever. With anyone. For any reason. High fives stress me out.
What if they hit me too hard?
What if my high five is weak and lame?
What if I miss their hand altogether?
My sister told me once to "keep my eye on the elbow" when giving a high five. Apparently it helps you aim.
Actually, this whole "don't high five the boss" thing was actually a plant. It was a clumsy segue into a series of photographs of me high fiving creatures from previous Clay Baboons stories. This series is inspired by Down Low, Too Slow, Da Cheeseblarg's latest blog post, featuring her high fiving her favourite animals.
What's that you say?
You, too, would like to make a visual representation of yourself high fiving your favourite animal? Well, it isn't too late...just head on over to Cheeseblarg and send her your submissions before midnight tomorrow.
And now let the wild high fiving rumpus begin!
So yeah. I hope that this post will help you get a job. Or something.