Wednesday, December 26, 2012

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

From our family to yours...

You know...Sloth Day.

December 26th.

The most beautiful day of the year, when young and old wear stretch pants, eat leftovers and take naps.

May Sloth Day be filled with joy and lethargy for all!

This is the last Clay Baboons post of 2012. Thanks for reading! I'll see you again in the new year!

Friday, December 21, 2012

Choose Your Own Apocalypse

So they say that the world is ending today. I'm not sure how I feel about this. On the one hand, I'm actually having a good hair day. But on the other hand, nothing livens up a party like a good apocalypse.

The question - of course - is not if the world is ending. The question is how.

Over the past year, I've written about a wide variety of horrific and deadly things, any of which would be more than worthy of its own apocalypse.

Out of all of the terrors that I've highlighted on this blog, however, one stands out as the most sinister, the most malevolent, the most dangerous.

They're everywhere. There are an estimated one million ants for every human on Earth, billions of whom live in one global mega-colony spanning three continents. Take a second to roll those words around in your mouth: global mega-colony. They operate for the good of the colony, with no concern whatsoever for each individual life. Some species of ants enslave entire colonies. And, as though that weren't enough already, some ants are even zombies.

100,000,000,000,000,000 ants in the world, all of them working obsessively for the good of their ever-growing colonies. The antpocalypse is pretty much inevitable, as far as I can tell.

Zombies? Bring them on. Anyone with an attitude and a sword can take on a few slow, bumbling zombies.

Ants, on the other hand? We're completely helpless against ants.

The end is coming.

Monday, December 17, 2012

He's Coming...

Am I the only person who finds that song creepy?

I mean...the lyrics. And the grammar.


Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Failing Every Day a Little Bit More Than You

Marianne and Julie wrote a book! And look, I helped with the cover!

I've been reading Marianne and Julie's blogs for nearly a year now. They're both talented writers, the kind of writers who make you laugh out loud and then - when you're complacent and smiling and least expecting it - write beautiful words that tear your heart out, throw it on the floor and stomp on it. So I was excited to learn that they were putting out a book. And even more excited when they asked me to make stuff for the cover.

Check out the book on Amazon or on Facebook.

Happy reading!

Completely unrelated: it's 12/12/12 today. That's kind of cool. Right?

Monday, November 12, 2012

My Baboon Turned One and I Forgot His Birthday

While a new camera is not in the budget right now, I'm hoping to work something out so that I can post again soon. I do have some stories all mapped out in my head, with exciting titles like "Why I Was a Sucky Healthy Living Blogger", "Baboon urine to bring back period and Other Phenomenal Search Terms" and "I Think I Have E Coli". I mean...what I do is important. I make litte things. Out of clay. I take that responsibility very seriously, and I will not be silenced, fine readers.

SO! - if I still have any readers out there - I offer you this! A recycled photo of me with a Movember mustache*!

* scroll to the bottom of this post if you need to hear my favourite mustache song right away.

So it appears that I have missed my blog's anniversary. Clay Baboons turned one year old on November 10th.

I have officially been blogging at Clay Baboons for one year and two days!

I would like to say a heartfelt thank you to all of my readers, especially those of you come back to check on me during long stints of radio silence. The interaction with you is what makes blogging so much fun. I'm humbled that you take the time to read my silly stories when I post them.

Anyway, I'm going to do something a bit cheap and - since I can't offer you anything new right now - link back to my some of my old favourites. The bulk of my readers showed up last Spring, so you might have missed some of my earlier genius*.

In this context, please take "genius" to read "self-indulgence".

OK, so here are some of my all-time favourite posts:

November 10th 2011: Can I Offer You a Sandwich?

A family trip to the zoo takes an exciting turn when an unexpected guest shows up for lunch. This is the post that started it all and gave this blog its name. (I needed a name. And this one time, I made a baboon. Out of clay. My creativity knows no bounds.)

November 2011: What Not to Say to Someone With an Uncooperative Uterus

Making a baby is not as easy as we thought it would be. This post was a public service announcement about dumb things that people say.

December 2011: Sometimes It Takes Me Three Weeks to Fold the Laundry

I get a bit distracted sometimes.

December 2011:Zombies Gave Me Carpal Tunnel Syndrome

I hate first-person shooter games. But I love zombies. Note to self: first-person shooter games with zombies in them are still first-person shooter games.

January 2012: Here There Be Monsters

Spoiler alert: there's a violent scene at the end where a giant ant attacks and rips the arm off of my father.

January 2012: For Self-Loathing, Press Three

Some things are very difficult for me to do: fold the laundry, return my library books on time, make phone calls. Especially phone calls.

February 2012: Stand Up and Be Counted

You know when you wake up in the middle of the night and tell yourself "don't think, don't think, don't think", but then it's too late because you're already thinking? Well, I don't recommend counting sheep.

February 2012: A Cart Full of Smug

When I buy healthy food at the grocery store, I want people to notice.

Thank you for being awesome and for reading my nonsense! You can't spell Clay Baboons without a double-O, which sounds almost like you!

* * *

As promised earlier in the post, here's my favourite mustache song, Mustaches by That 1 Guy. It was pretty hard to narrow it down.

* * *

Also, I'm doing NaNoWriMo right now! If you don't know what that is, it's a challenge to write a 50000 word novel in 30 days. And if you do know what it is, and you want us to be nano-buddies, here's my profile: StephanieElizabeth.

Monday, September 3, 2012

Bees and Robots

* * * Edited on September 22nd to add: OK, so I lied about that whole "post twice a week" thing. I meant it when I posted it, and I even stuck to it for an entire week, but then I got called back to work and started teaching full-time again. So...sorry about that. No posting schedule. * * *

There is no story in this post. It's more of a sharing post, but it does have bees and robots. Bees and robots can be either lovely or terrible, depending on your frame of reference and also on whether they're helpful bees and robots or giant mutant bees and robots bringing about the apocalypse, but I doubt that anyone would ever call them boring. (Note to self: really must write a post about giant mutant bees and robots.)

But first, I'd like to say thanks to all of you who kept checking in even though I've barely posted over the past few months. I kind of sort of love you guys. If you glance over at the sidebar, you'll see something that wasn't there before:

I'm an extremely unstructured person. And for that reason, I need structure. (It sounded smart in my head, so I typed it out. Just do me a favour and pretend that it makes sense.) So I'm putting myself on a posting schedule, at least until I realize that I can't keep to a posting schedule. Look for new posts on Mondays and Thursdays. Most of them will be clay posts, although I'll probably do a sharing post like this one every couple of weeks.

And now for the robots.

I have some very good news. Sad robot is no longer sad. In fact, I'm overjoyed to announce that he's found love:

This fabulous pink robot lady was created my talented niece.

She's a natural artist. She's already developing her own painting style.

She's nine years old. I'm jealous.

My two-year-old niece is equally talented. She's a born actress. Here she is being a dog:

It's a very nuanced and subtle performance.

Love those funny, smart, beautiful girls. Sniff. I wish they didn't live so far away.

More art by someone who isn't me.

I won this painting by Violet, the talented and hilarious arteest who blogs at Creative Devolution:

I won that!!!! It's mine!!!! It's hanging on my wall!!!!

Isn't it beautiful? Violet makes me want to paint. Or just pretend that I made her painting. Either one works for me. Thank you, Violet. It's an honour to have your work hanging in my home!

Piggyback disaster

Lindsay (from the blog Happy or Hungry) suffered a major piggyback fail. Don't you hate it when you try to piggyback someone three times your size at a wedding and things just don't work out? (Lindsay, by the way, is one of the nicest people on the internet. She's funny and cheerful and talented and she doesn't even seem fazed by the fact that over 75 000 people have already seen the video of her piggyback fail. She's a star.)

At the beginning of this post, I promised you bees.

Well, here they are:

Amazing. Tete is awesome, in the true sense of the meaning. I found this video while trying to figure out whether raw honey is the same as unpasteurized honey. I'm still not sure, but it doesn't really matter. I'm just glad that I don't have to climb up and get it myself.

Happy Labour Day everyone. Try not to do anything too laborious.

Watch out for bees and robots.

Thursday, August 30, 2012

Sunday at the Lake

Sunday at the lake...

Chase the Wonderdog is a retriever who never retrieves. He mostly chases things, picks them up, drops them and then comes trotting back. We go through a lot of sticks.

But even moreso than not-retrieving, Chase's favourite thing in the world is swimming.

Sometimes Chase makes new friends at the lake. Sometimes those friends are 3-year-old boys.

Fact: dogs and small boys make decisions far too quickly for anyone to be able to react in time to stop them.

Ever so calmly, Chase walked past the wailing boy and towards us.

It was no one's fault. Just an accident.

pre vet visit

post vet visit

Aside from giving us some painkillers, our vet couldn't do much about his four broken teeth. She referred us to a veterinary oral surgeon in the city, who did a fabulous job of patching him up.

Open wide...

Multiple vet appointments, anesthesia, surgery, antibiotics, three kinds of painkillers, follow-up appointments, travel, etc, etc, etc. Thank goodness for the pet insurance we've been paying for since Chase was a puppy, otherwise the bill would have cost us far more than the 700 dollars that we ended up paying out of pocket.

Worth every penny.

It's been exactly one week since Chase's surgery, and he's almost back to normal. One last follow-up appointment to make sure that the stitches dissolved properly, and we'll be done. Still, I figure this has to be one of the most expensive rocks in Eastern Canada right now.

* * * * *

Happy birthday Dad! See? I finally posted. On your birthday.