Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Zombies Gave Me Carpal Tunnel Syndrome

Sometimes I forget things that I know to be true, and I allow someone to convince me to do something that is better left undone.

him: Wanna play Xbox?

me (cue whine): Noooooo. I hate shooting games. They make me feel sick. I don't want to play.

him: Even if you get to shoot zombies?

me: ...








Let me be clear on this: I hate first-person shooting games. I mean, I really, really hate them. They stress me out. They give me heart palpitations. The motion makes my stomach turn. In theory, I get why people like them, really I do, but they're just not for me.

Except...

The thing is, I really love zombies. If you asked me: "Vampires or werewolves?", I'd answer zombies. But then I'd have to clarify because really, there's not much sexy about a zombie. I love zombies, but I'm not in love with them. Ours is a platonic love, based on terror, death and mayhem.

Or something like that.

So we played.


Note to self: first-person shooting games with zombies in them are still first-person shooting games.
























And then, when I'd finally figure out how to get out from behind the barrel, a zombie would throw up on me and the horde would attack. I'd feel a sick sense of relief flood through me as my little green life bar turned orange and then red.

And then one of my teammates would come kill all of the zombies and heal me. And I'd have to keep playing.

Finally, finally, the game finished. I died at the end. I should have just stayed hidden behind the barrel.




My arm was sore, my stomach was turning, my eyes were burning, my heart was pounding. I'm pretty sure that 120 minutes of trying to find the x button and the b button gave me carpal tunnel syndrome. I was jittery and irritable and my neck and shoulder ached.

Perfect state of mind for going to bed, right?

I woke up in the middle of the night, as I usually do at least a few times every night. I could hear a drunken party in the distance. There was shouting and laughter, just barely loud enough for me to hear it.

But wait a second...





57 comments:

  1. (i'm all for calling them clay stories. it takes concentration to spell plasticine right for me, too!).
    once again, i adore your artistic figures (great work on jp's hair - now i want to see a real life photo so i can compare the live jp to the clay jp!).
    i have not played video games since atari!! and never played a zombie or shooting game. "why won't she just go where i want her to go?" -> yes! that's what is frustrating!
    thanks again for today's story! fun to read, as always.

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  2. This is hysterical...as usual! But I thought that zombies were really, really slow...Guess I need to do some zombie research!

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  3. They should make better controllers! Preferably ones that can read electric signals directly from my brain via the nerve endings in my fingers, so I can just make that thing do what I mean for it to do instead of making myself dizzy as I make the virtual world spin.

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  4. I loved this. That's exactly how I am with video games. My son thinks I'm retarded, but I must just be OLD! Chase cuddling up to the mouse was adorable. The part where you are worrying in bed cracked me up, too. I can totally relate.

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  5. Ohh your clay zombies are amazing. And I never know what button is Y either! And why are you allowed to fall off things?? I refuse to play Mario Kart for just that reason. Fall off the track, get on only to fall IMMEDIATELY back off. Over and over again. Until I take so long to go five inches that the game just pity-ends it for me...

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  6. At first I thought you gave JP a sweet, old school rat tail but then I realized he was wearing a gamer headset :) The only video game I like is Mario 3 on the original Nintendo. Thankfully we still have it :)

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  7. I LOVE ZOMBIES!!! Yours are EXCELLENT. Beautifully sculpted. Seriously, I am so impressed with the detail in your clay figures!
    I also really liked the story and was laughing throughout. It made me want to watch the Walking Dead immediately.

    I actually do love shooting games like Call of Duty. I assumed I would hate them, but I played with my boyfriend one day and somehow I was naturally good! I haven't played for a while, but Call of Duty 2 was my fave!

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  8. OH MY GOD. I hate first person shooters, too. They make me feel nauseous.

    But zombies? They scare me. Really really scare me. I like my brains. I'd like to keep them in my skull.

    PS: Have I mentioned how much I want to be just like you when I grow up? Those figures are AWESOME.

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  9. I am totally jealous of your illustrations/sculptures. This story was already funny (I mean scary). Something about the little figures just makes it so cool, though.

    I need to try illustration. But I'll use play-doh, because I am not sure what plastic-what-see-who-sits is...

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  10. I can SO relate to this. Joe doesn't play video games, but an ex-boyfriend did. He would talk me into playing, and I would feel so intense and stressed out (with sore thumbs)... I'd finally stop, try to go to bed, and just stare at the ceiling for hours waiting for my heart to stop racing....
    Just thinking about it makes me twitchy!

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  11. I love your zombie figures. I also like to lie awake at night remembering some horror movie detail or something I read and decide it's "freak out time!"
    So, I'll take it you haven't played since that time?

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  12. Eeeeeee! You rocked those zombies! Funny lady!

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  13. Hahahahaha! I just realized the mouse is sitting with the dog!

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  14. I just have to say, you make me laugh out loud EVERY TIME with these. And I'm not even much into zombies. ;)

    You still win the best wife award, methinks.

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  15. Ho-ly! You are so talented! I loved the post, but I was so impressed by your clay people. This is really quite fantastic!

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  16. OMG This is so hilarious!!! You're very talented!!! :D

    Happy IComLeavWe week!

    Irma

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  17. @Cathy, JP doesn't actually look much like that. But I really don't like making human bodies, so once it's made, it's made!

    @Fran, zombies are slow if you're a purist. I'm not a purist when it comes to movies...but I do wish that those video game zombies were the slow kind!

    @Leauxra, I just use modeling clay from the dollar store.

    @strivingcynic, nope! He tries, but I'm standing my ground.

    @shell flower and @candace, I just didn't have the heart to squish the little guy.

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  18. Thanks for your very thoughtful comment on my blog. Much appreciated!I like what you said: about how writing makes you feel. I do really enjoy writing and I do think that blogging is a good place to showcase it.
    And you are very talented. Wow.
    My hubby plays playstation too but I try to stay out of it. He has a "cave" with his playstation and also a driving seat (very imporant since he can't drive in real life due to epilepsy) so he really enjoys himsel. Now he has a 3D tv he is in 7th heaven.

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  19. I really hope you get paid for these stories some day. They brighten my LIFE!
    Forwarding this now to Travis' enjoyment.

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  20. Love your story :-) It really made me smile :-)
    And I can absolutely relate to the "what if.... I can't find my glasses" part *grin*

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  21. Hilarious! I get stressed out playing any kind of video game. Your plasticine zombies are incredible.

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  22. What an amazing, creative, awesome blog you have! Forgive me if you answered this in a previous post, but how long does it take you to do each post? It must be so fun to make a story come to life like that. It doesn't hurt that you have a way with words, too!

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  23. i agree with joannajae , im really enjoying ur posts

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  24. This is so awesome. I can't even come up with words. Pure awesomeness.

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  25. This is really eerie, I feel like I'm reading my own life put into clay. Really, really creepy.

    Seriously, I <3 your blog. You're going to have so many followers in no time.

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  26. LOL! This is too, too funny! I love it! Btw, I also don't like first-person shooting games. They make me uptight.

    Happy ICLW!
    #60

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  27. I have that problem with zombies- I love books and movies about them, but always know ahead of time I won't be able to sleep after reading/watching. :(

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  28. I get ill from first person shooter games, but it's usually due to motion sickness. Is it possible that you are getting motion sick and don't realize it? Do you get that same shaky, heart racing, pukey feeling when you watch reality shows or movies with super shaky cinematography? If so, you're probably getting motion sick. I never get sick on rides or in cars, but damn if I don't puke when I try watching "Mantracker."

    And if you're loving the zombies, check out "High School of the Dead." If you have Netflix, it's streaming so you can watch it right now. It's an anime zomromcom. Awesome!

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  29. I love this post... I love the sculptures! This was so much fun... Can you tell I loved this? Happy ICLW

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  30. @areyoukiddingme, I could definitely get behind mind-controlled video games! Now THAT I might try.

    @forgottenbeast, argh. Falling off stuff drives me CRAZY. It’s hard enough to on in the first place; and then to have to deal with falling off? Bah.

    @Jenny, now I kind of wish that it was a rattail...

    @happyorhungry, thanks! I still haven’t watched season 2 of the Walking Dead. I’m waiting for the DVD set...I hope they put it out ASAP. Gah, Call of Duty is the WORST for me. The last time I played, I blew myself up with a grenade. I don’t mind the zombie part of Black Ops, though, so long as the zombies stay BEHIND the wooden barriers.

    @Abby, seriously stomach-turning. Ha! You should definitely keep your brains in your skull. Otherwise there would be no more Abby Gabs to entertain me.

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  31. @Lindsay, thanks! Ha! Highly doubt anyone would ever pay me for this. But I enjoy doing it...I’ve already decided that one of my New Year’s goals is going to be to put up weekly posts on Clay Baboons

    @relaxednomore I’ve seriously considered getting eye surgery in preparation for the apocalypse. Too expensive though.

    @Detour Thanks! I can’t deal with the adrenaline rush from video games. Just thinking about it makes me nervous.

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  32. @Lisa, I forgot the sore thumbs! How could I forget the sore thumbs? I hate that racing-heart feeling.

    @jhl, I’ll accept that reward! Although, I’m pretty sure that all of the whining and complaining cancelled the actual playing.

    @Sandra, thanks! I have a bit too much fun making them.

    @Gabbina, thanks for stopping by!

    @Heather, I’ve been curious about the 3D TV! I kind of figured it was one of those “good in theory, not so much in practice” things.

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  33. @JoAnnaJae, thanks for your kind comment! How long it takes depends on the post...probably about 3-5 hours on average. It really depends how many figurines I have to make. Also, they get dirty and smudged, so sometimes I remake them. I'm unemployed and no babies running around, so I have a bit more time than the average person to spend on playing with clay! Ha!

    @Jayton, thanks for stopping by!

    @Lisa, thanks! Glad you enjoyed it. I do try to ooze awesomity from every cell. Actually, that sounds kind of gross.

    @Cake Betch, well, it is a pretty scary story. Thanks!

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  34. @Lynn, glad you enjoyed it! I don't understand why people enjoy the scared feeling that goes along with shooting games. I can't quite seem to turn it off - if I'm playing, then I'm nervous.

    @gee, what is it about being drawn to things that scare the crap out of us? ;)

    @thesacredandtheprofane, there is DEFINITELY some motion sickness. And I realize it. (Hence, the stomach turning.) And the mix of motion sickness and adrenaline just doesn't feel very good. Thanks for suggesting High School of the Dead! I'll check it out!

    @Hilary, thanks for stopping by! Yeah...everyone needs a hobby...mine just involves making stuff out of clay. Ha!

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  35. Wow, that was a seriously impressive post, and one that I was able to read very quickly. Well done. It sounds like you should lay off the zombie games, even though you "like" zombies so much, but don't knock first-person shooter games unless you've played Golden Eye for N64. In college that was my shizz.
    +followed

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  36. @Elliot, not a chance. Seriously, the only reason I was even willing to play at all was because of the zombies. Although if I see an N64 at a garage sale, maybe I'll give it a try.

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  37. Happy ICLW and thanks for stopping by my blog! This is by far the greatest clay story I have ever seen, as it so accurately depicts my life (except in my case it's aliens instead of zombies). Love it!

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  38. @Advo.cat, why thank you! Do you know of any other blogs with clay stories? I'm always looking for new illustrated blogs to add to my reader! And I'm with you on the aliens. That's a future post.

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  39. Oh my gosh this blog is amazing. First off, this exact scenario has happened with my partner and I, complete with me throwing the controller on the ground. Love it!

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  40. u have amazing talent. sooo glad i found ur blog! i laughed so hard reading this post it was great.

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  41. @createdfamily, so you mean I'm not the only adult who still pouts and has mini-tantrums when she loses a game? Good to know!

    @natalie, glad you enjoyed it! :)

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  42. Your zombie figures are AMAZING! I also love zombies. Have you been watching the Walking Dead?

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  43. bahahaha I hate first-person shooters also - can't stand when the bf plays COD w/o headphones!

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  44. @Her Royal Fabulousness, LOVE that show. I've been reading the comic books too...they're even more gory and depressing than the show.

    @Sophia, my husband always wants me to "hang out" with him while he's playing. Even LISTENING to the game stresses me out.

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  45. Oh my gosh this is a cool blog! Hi again from IComLeavWe. My Hubby and I play computer games, but I can not figure out console games. There are entirely too many buttons! Give me a nice old NES and I am happy.

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    1. My muscle memory isn't strong enough to remember so many buttons either.

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  46. O-M-G!!! - I keep trying to get off the computer and can't because I keep reading your blogs. . . .lololol. . . you are still the freakin' hilarious girl I know! Awesome work here! I can't wait for Mike-Boy to read this one too. . . like you, he is all about the platonic zombies. . . I still dig the vamp ;). I'm having a blast reading these!!!

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    Replies
    1. And again...I missed this comment! I'm not sure how. Miss you girl!

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  47. *laughing so hard, tears are streaming down my face* This is awesome, "I love zombies...ours is a platonic love based on terror, death and mayhem."

    Thanks for the laugh. I know a game you might like that is 1) not in first person and 2) not a shooting game...its Harry Potter lego Years 1-4 and 5-7. Its mindless fun although coordinating with the buttons on the Wii controller and nunchuck can be a bit confusing at first, but its sooo much fun and you get to blast stuff with a wand! I'm sure my husband regrets getting both games for me for Christmas.

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    1. Oooh...I think I'd like that one. Thanks for the recommendation! We have the lego Indiana Jones game for XBox, and it's the only game that I'll willingly play. I giggle like a six year old every time a lego person breaks into little pieces.

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  48. Ohmygod. THIS ALSO HAPPENED AT MY HOUSE! Only, I also threw the remote at him at one point and buried my face in the couch until he got rid of all the current wave of zombies.

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  49. I'm gonna kill MOV. Now I am going to spend so much time reading your archives, and laughing hysterically, I will get nothing done. I'm coming to get you MOV.

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    Replies
    1. I take full responsibility for everything you don't do. Oh, who am I kidding. I barely take responsibility for my own not-doing-of-stuff, let alone anyone else's. Glad you stopped by!

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    2. Of course you don't get anything done. You are too busy playing with plasticine.

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    3. Shhhhh. Let me live in my delusional world where the only reason I don't get the housework done is because I'm too busy doing important stuff.

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  50. I was like this the first time I played zombies mode on Call of Duty, only with more screaming.

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