disclaimer # 1: I have heard every single one of these comments at least once. Some of these comments are actually OK (and even funny), coming from a place of love or a sarcastic best friend. It all depends on context. And intent. And whether or not you’re a smug biddy.
disclaimer # 2: This post is meant to be funny, but I'm not sure that you'll find it amusing unless you can relate. So if it isn't funny, don't fret. I'll probably post something about falling on my face next week.
Edited to add: I didn't really call Telehealth. I made that part up. A commenter on my other blog was right: Telehealth wouldn't have answered my question. They would have sent me to a doctor instead.